"I think what we need to do is convince people who live in the lands they live in to build the nations." George W. Bush October 11, 2000 Presidential Debate -- Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

So... sun microsystems - developer home how come the Corinthians never wrote back?

what's in al's shed today? I have plenty of common sense, I just choose to ignore it. --- Calvin

The thought of being President frightens me and I do not think I want the job. -- Ronald Reagan in 1973 Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. Had he run unopposed he would have lost. -- Mort Sahl Ronald Reagan is a triumph of the embalmer's art. -- Gore Vidal Ronald Reagan's platform seems to be: Hey, I'm a big good-looking guy and I need a lot of sleep. -- Roy G. Blount, Jr. You've got to be careful quoting Ronald Reagan, because when you quote him accurately it's called mudslinging. -- Walter Mondale

Love is the desire to prostitute oneself. There is, indeed, no exalted pleasure that cannot be related to prostitution. -- Charles Baudelaire

Bureaucrats cut red tape -- lengthwise.

VD, n.: java news brief::oci::march issue The gift that keeps on giving.

little linux systems for projects and products Non Illegitimus Carborundum. [Don't let the bastards wear you down.]

"To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition." -- Woody Allen

Millions of sensible people are too high-minded to concede that politics is almost always the choice of the lesser evil. "Tweedledum and Tweedledee," they most popular articles on sql server, oracle and xml say. "I will not vote." Having abstained, they are presented with a President who appoints the people who are going to rummage around in their lives for the next four years. Consider all the people who sat home in a stew in 1968 rather than vote for Hubert Humphrey. They showed Humphrey. Those people who taught Hubert Humphrey a lesson will still be enjoying the Nixon Supreme Court when Tricia and Julie begin to find silver threads among the gold and the black. -- Russel Baker, "Ford without Flummery"

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? -- Art Hoppe

Hacker's Law: The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml stir a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.

"APL is a write-only language. I can write programs in APL, but I can't read any of them." -- Roy Keir

"Our nation must come together to unite." George W. Bush topcostumer June 4, 2001 Remark made in Tampa, Florida.

Distributed Systems people do it loosely coupled.

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *___and* fresher breath. -- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do"

Cabbage, n.: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Fry: Things are different this time. Before she was demanding and possessive, but now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time.

One must have a heart of stone to read the death of Little Nell by Dickens without laughing. -- writing for sswug.org Oscar Wilde

This fortune does not require Microsoft Windows.

Alan Cox Releases Quantum Kernel Submitted by Dave Finton A surprising development in the linux-kernel mailing list surfaced when Alan Cox announced the release of a 2.2 Linux kernel existing both as an official stable kernel and as a prepatch kernel. This immediately spurred the creation of two different realities (and hence two different Alan Coxes), where a kernel would not settle down to one or the other state until someone looked at it. "I think this resulted from the large number of 'final' prepatch kernels prior to the 2.2.14 release," said David Miller, kernel networking guru and gas station attendent (he'll settle down to one or the other state when someone looks at him). When word of this development spread to Microsoft, Bill Gates was extremely delighted. The Redmond, WA campus has been plagued with quantum fluctuations ever since the inception of Windows 2000 back in 1992. "Our release date has been existing in infinitely many states since the very beginning," said a Microsoft spokesperson. "This just shows the Linux operating system cannot scale to multiple realities as well as our OS."

One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible from one end to the other. Reading the Bible straight through is at least 70 percent discipline, like learning Latin. But the good parts are, of course, simply amazing. God is an extremely uneven writer, but when He's good, nobody can touch Him. -- John Gardner, NYT Book Review, Jan 1983

A bobby of Nottingham eserver magazine Junction Whose organ had long ceased to function Deceived his good wife For the rest of her life With the aid of his constable's truncheon.

I do hate sums. There is no greater mistake than to call arithmetic an exact science. There are permutations and aberrations discernible to minds entirely noble like mine; subtle variations which ordinary accountants fail to discover; hidden laws of number which it requires a mind like mine to perceive. For instance, if you add a sum from the bottom up, and then again from the top down, the result is always different. -- Mrs. La Touche (19th cent.)

Any dramatic series the producers want us to movinghelponline take seriously as a representation of contemporary reality cannot be taken seriously as a representation of anything -- except a show to be ignored by anyone capable of sitting upright in a chair and chewing gum simultaneously. -- Richard Schickel

Maybe this world creative commons deed is another planet's hell. -- Aldous Huxley

In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has not spoken with Roberts for several years. Off the record, God has stated that "If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago." -- Dennis Miller, SNL News

Fry: "They're great! articles & white papers about linux in embedded applications ... They're like sex except I'm having them."

"The reason for the success of this somewhat communist-sounding strategy, while the failure of communism itself is visible around the world, is that the economics of information are fundamentaly different from those of other products." -- Bruce Perens, on Open Source software. (Open Sources, 1999 O'Reilly and Associates)

Brontosaurus Principle: Organizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them in relation to their environment and to their own physiology: when this occurs, they are an endangered species. -- Thomas K. Connellan

I married an Italian girl; the way you marry an Italian girl in my family is to bring a New Yorker home first.

There were the Scots Who kept the Sabbath And everything else they could lay their hands on. Then there were the Welsh Who prayed on their knees and their neighbors. Thirdly community there were the Irish Who never knew what they wanted But were willing to fight for it anyway. Lastly there were the English Who considered themselves a self-made nation Thus relieving the Almighty of a dreadful responsibility.

Cocaine isn't habit forming. I should know -- I've been using cdtext it for years. -- Tallulah Bankhead

spinster, n.: A bachelor's wife.

I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it. sponsor > view > logos -- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. -- Elbert Hubbard

dmoz War is menstruation envy.

Professor: The tanker has six-thousand hulls, so, unlike me, it's entirely leak-proof.

Mary had a little lamb, It's fleece as white as snow. It followed her to school one day, And got fucked by a big black dog.

"I like work ... I can sit and watch it leap rdbms : home for hours."

Wow, the great ZDNET actually corrected a mistake! Of course, if they did that to all of Jesse Berst's columns, they'd lose 2/3 of their content... -- From a Slashdot.org post

Confucious say: woman who bathe in vinegar have hot topic: books on embedded linux sour puss.

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.

Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a faster rat!!!

A new lumberjack had just finished his first month in the lonely wilds of Alaska, where there were no women for miles. He finally couldn't take it anymore and nervously asked the foreman what the other men did to relieve the pressure. "Try the hole in the barrel outside the shower," suggested the foreman. "The other men swear what's in dave's spare room? by it." The lumberjack dubiously tried it out and had the experience of his life. "That barrel is fantastic! Warm! Wet! I'm going to use it every day!" "Every day but the third Wednesday of the month," one of the other men replied. "Why not then?" "That's your day in the barrel."

My brother-in-law has found a way to make ends meet. He goes around with his head stuck up his ass.

PLAYGIRL, Inc. Philadelphia, Pa. 19369 Dear Sir: Your name has been submitted to us with your photo. I regret to inform you that we will be unable to use your body in our centerfold. On a scale of one to ten, your body was rated a minus two by a panel of women ranging in age from 60 to 75 years. We tried to assemble a panel in the age bracket of 25 to 35 years, but we could not get them to stop laughing long enough to reach a decision. Should the taste of the American woman ever change so drastically embedded processor and system-on-chip quick reference guide that bodies such as yours would be appropriate in our magazine, you will be notified by this office. Please, don't call us. Sympathetically, Amanda L. Smith p.s. We also want to commend you for your unusual pose. Were you wounded in the war, or do you ride your bike a lot?

Cocaine is nature's way of telling you you have too much money.

As you know, birds do not have sexual organs because they would interfere with flight. [In fact, this was the big breakthrough for the Wright Brothers. They were watching birds one day, trying to figure out how to get their crude machine to fly, when suddenly it dawned on Wilbur. "Orville," he said, "all we have to do is remove the sexual organs!" You should have seen their original design.] As a result, birds are very, very difficult to arouse sexually. You almost never see an aroused bird. So when they want to reproduce, birds fly up and stand on telephone lines, where they monitor telephone conversations with their feet. When they find a conversation in which people are talking dirty, they grip the line very tightly until they are both highly aroused, at which point the female gets pregnant. -- Dave Barry, "Sex and the Single Amoeba: What Every Teen Should Know"

Even God cannot change the past. -- Joseph Stalin

Break into jail and contact us claim police brutality.

Who the hell wants to hear actors talk? -- Harry Warner, Warner Bros. Pictures, c. 1927

"Calling J-Man Kink. Calling J-Man Kink. Hash missile sighted, target Los Angeles. Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept."

Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.

We may not be able to persuade Hindus that Jesus and not Vishnu should govern their spiritual horizon, nor Moslems that Lord Buddha is at the center of their spiritual universe, nor Hebrews that Mohammed is a major prohpet, nor Christians that Shinto best expresses their spiritual concerns, to say nothing of the fact that we may not be able to get Christians to agree among themselves about their relationship to God. But all articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml will agree on a proposition that they possess profound spiritual resources. If, in addition, we can get them to accept the further proposition that whatever form the Deity may have in their own theology, the Deity is not only external, but internal and acts through them, and they themselves give proof or disproof of the Deity in what they do and think; if this further proposition can be accepted, then we come that much closer to a truly religious situation on earth. -- Norman Cousins, from his book "Human Options"

On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks. -- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. -- Salvor Hardin, "Foundation"

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Make it database myself? But I'm a physical organic chemist!

"Yeah." "Is everything in place?" "You weren't supposed to relieve me." "I know, but I felt like taking your shift." "You like him, don't you? You like watching him." "Don't be ridiculous." "We're going to kill him, do you understand that?" "Morpheus believes he is the One." "Do you?" "It doesn't matter what I believe." "You don't, do you?" "Did you hear that?" "Hear what?" "Are you sure this line is clean?" "Yeah, of course I'm sure." "I better go." -- Cypher and Trinity, "The Matrix"

Christmas comes but once a year, A time for love and laughter; You can come much more than that, But you have to clean up after.

jdbc technology For a good time, call 555-9484. Ask for Cathy.

software It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Little Red Riding Hood. One fine morning she decided to visit her Grandmother, so she put a freshly baked cake and a .357 magnum into her basket and set off through the forest. When she got there, what should she find but a big black wolf in the bed, who jumped up, grabbed her and snarled, "I'm going to fuck you until the sun goes down." So Little Red Riding Hood whipped out the .357 and said, "Oh, no, you're not! You're going to eat me just like the story says!"

"I thought we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun." George W. Bush October 18, 2000 From speech in St. Louis, Missouri.

Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums? A: Warning label.

Ich lebe zwar über meine Verhältnisse, aber free antivirus software and free online virus scanning services (thefreecountry.com) immer noch unter meinem Niveau

"Lightspeed briefs: style and comfort for the discriminating crotch." -announcer

You may carve it on his tombstone, you may cut it on his card That a young man married is a young man marred. -- Rudyard Kipling, "The Story of the Gadsbys"

"I don't care what the polls say. I don't. I'm doing what I think what's wrong." George W. Bush March 15, 2000 The presidential candidate referring to his proposed economic plan---as reported in the New York Times.

It's not the valleys in life I dread so much as the dips. -- Garfield

Little Boy Blew... he needed the money.

If clear thinking created sparks, we could safely store dynamite in James Watt's office. -- Wayne Shannon, KRON-TV

It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. -- Andrew Jackson

Windows special report: microsoft-funded report claims embedding linux costs more than embedding windows hasn't increased computer literacy. It's just lowered the standard. -- From a Slashdot.org post

Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like. -- Arnold Bennett

Moody bitch in search of... kind, considerate, loving man. Objective, love-hate relationship.

Ed Sullivan will be free compilers and interpreters for programming languages (thefreecountry.com) around as long as someone else has talent. -- Fred Allen

"`How do you feel?' he asked him. `Like a military academy,' said Arthur, `bits of me keep passing out.'" .... `We're safe,' he said. `Oh good,' said Arthur. `We're in a small galley cabin,' said Ford, `in one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet.' `Ah,' said Arthur, `this is obviously some strange usage of the word "safe" that I wasn't previously aware of.' - Arthur after his first ever teleport ride.

You'll legal information be a guest at a gay party that will have important consequences for you.

A little bit of rape is good for a man's soul. -- Norman Mailer

A remarkable race are the Persians; news > post > entry form They have such peculiar diversions. They make love the whole day In the usual way And save up the nights for perversions.

Lieber Rum trinken als rumtreiben.

"Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way."

Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing. -- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo"

You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.

Two men were standing around talking while nearby a large German Shepherd lay licking his balls. One man says to the other, "Damn, I wish I could do that." free emulators and virtual machines (virtualizers) (thefreecountry.com) The other man replies, "Well, it's okay by me, but I think you ought to get to know him a little first."

Female ballet dancers are the bravest girls around. Who else would take a flying leap into the arms of a homosexual and expect to be caught? -- Rita Rudner

All the waters of the fix: a call to the getliteralinfo function may return an incorrect error message in the microsoft host integration server 2000 db2 driver earth are in the armpit of the Great Frog. -- R. Crumb

A general installing and configuring db2 server leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding ducks. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. -- Groucho Marx

If you work for a man, in heaven's name, work for him. If he pays you wages which supply you bread and butter, work for him; speak well of him; stand by him, and by the institution he represents. If put to a pinch, an ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness. If you must vilify, condemn and eternally find disparage -- resign your position, and when you are outside, damn to your heart's content... but, as long as you are part of the institution do not condemn it. If you do that, you are loosening the tendrils that are holding you to the institution, and at the first high wind that comes along, you will be uprooted and blown away, and probably will never know the reason why.

Q: What is the difference between snow-men and snow-women? A: Snowballs!

If you couldn't find any weirdness, maybe we'll just have to make some! -- Calvin

"Actually, this may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it when I'm talking about myself, and when he's jnb-july talking about myself, all of us are talking about me." George W. Bush May 31, 2000 Spoken to Chris Matthews on MSNBC's Hardball.

Paul's Law: In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.

Lobster: Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are squeamish about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the only proper method of preparing them. Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial before they're cooked. The fact is, lobsters are among the most ferocious predators on the sea floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs. Grasp the lobster behind the head, look it right in its unmistakably guilty eyestalks and say, "Where were you on the night of the 21st?", then flourish a picture of a scallop or a sole and shout, "Perhaps this will refresh that crude neural apparatus you call a memory!" The lobster will squirm noticeably. It may even take a swipe at you with one of its claws. Incorrigible. Pop it into the pot. Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will be, too. -- "Cooking: The Art of Using Appliances the latest news & announcements about linux in embedded applications ... and Utensils into Excuses and Apologies"

Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.

[Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable. -- Edwin Meese III

Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.

Four Oxford dons were taking their evening walk together and as usual, were engaged in casual but learned conversation. On this particular evening, their conversation was about the names given to groups of animals, such as a "pride of lions" or a "gaggle of geese." One of the professors noticed a group of prostitutes down the block, and posed the question, "What name would be given to that group?" The four fell into silence for a moment, as they pondered the possibilities... At last, one spoke: "How about 'a Jam of Tarts'?" The others nodded in acknowledgement as they continued to consider the problem. A second professor spoke: "I'd suggest 'an Essay of Trollops.'" Again, the others nodded. A third spoke: "I propose 'a Flourish of Strumpets.'" They continued their walk in silence, until the first professor remarked to the remaining professor, who was the most senior and learned of the four, "You haven't suggested a name for our ladies. best-data-warehouse-online What are your thoughts?" Replied the fourth professor, "'An Anthology of Prose.'"

best-data-warehouse-online You will be winged by an anti-aircraft battery.

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be President, but they don't want them to become politicians in the process. -- John F. Kennedy

My own dear love, he is strong and bold And he cares not what comes after. His words ring sweet as a chime of gold, And his eyes are lit with laughter. He is jubilant as a flag unfurled -- Oh, a girl, she'd not forget him. My own dear love, he is all my world -- And I wish I'd never met him. -- Dorothy Parker

Es gibt keine Probleme. - Nur Gelegenheiten um kreativ zu sein.

One reason why George Washington Is held in such veneration: He never blamed his problems On the former Administration. -- George O. Ludcke

Clarke's db2 articles Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. G's Third Law: In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe is composed of only two basic substances: magic and bullshit. H's Dictum: There is no magic ...

Confucious say: adobe press eplileptic woman who give blow-job may bite big one.

A teacher announces to her class, "Children, the student who can name the greatest man who ever lived will win a shiny red apple." Immediately an Italian boy raises his hand. "Yes, Tony?" "Christopher Columbus!" says Tony. "Well," says the teacher, "Christopher Columbus was a very great man, but I don't think he was the greatest man who ever lived." From the back of the room little Bernie Goldstein raises his hand. "Yes, Bernie?" "Jesus Christ", says Bernie. "That is correct, Bernie," pronounces the teacher. "And here is your apple." When Bernie gets up to the front of the room to claim his prize, the teacher says, "Bernie, given the fact that you're Jewish, I'm surprised that you thought Jesus was the greatest man who ever lived." "Well, actually," replies Bernie, "I do think Moses had the edge, but business is business."

The American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it Capitalism, call it what you like, gives each and every one of us a great opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it. -- Al Capone

Raquel Welch: 36-24-36 Bo Derek: 35-24-36 Ann-Margaret: 37-25-36 Bette Middler: 37-25-36 Marilyn Monroe: 37-24-37 Jane Russell: 39-27-38 Jayne Mansfield: 40-23-37 Sophia Loren: 37-25-36

"They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program." George W. Bush November 2, 2000 The presidential candidate speaking in St. Charles, Missouri. Reported by USA Today. (Note: Social Security _is_ a federal program.)

Without chemicals, life itself would be impossible. -- javahispano late night industrial commercial much favored by druggies

"My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it." -- "Grendel", by John Gardner

Hear about... the girl with the big wardrobe who started with just a little slip?

Another name for a Windows tutorial is "crash course".

Everyone knows that dragons don't exist. But while this simplistic formulation may satisfy the layman, it does not suffice for the scientific mind. The School of Higher Neantical Nillity is in fact wholly unconcerned with what ____does exist. linuxdevices.com -- search page Indeed, the banality of existence has been so amply demonstrated, there is no need for us to discuss it any further here. The brilliant Cerebron, attacking the problem analytically, discovered three distinct kinds of dragon: the mythical, the chimerical, and the purely hypothetical. They were all, one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted in an entirely different way ... -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"

Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb, in San Fransisco? A: Both of them.

"Anything created must necessarily be inferior to the essence of the creator." -- Claude Shouse "Einstein's mother must have been one heck of a physicist." sun microsystems -- Joseph C. Wang